Old essay, about who I was and what I wanted

I wrote it for a contest in the 11th grade, but I am not sure if this is what I ended up using in the contest (I don't remember). It is a cool story. About my achievements to date. And well, I ended up winning the Junior Achievement competition and going to study computer science in the states. Hah, I never thought about it this way, but I actually achieved what I set up to do... :) Or, the most important parts (I didn't find the people to do the orphanage project with me, and the reading club, well, it wasn't unheard of as I thought at the moment). And I got an 800 on the SAT Math 2C :D

I was born a year before the liberation of my country from communism. I was just a baby when in the centre of my city (the capital of Romania) gunshots were fired and people were killed. People who believed in freedom. People who died for it. People whom I admire. Heroes. Thanks to them I now have the boldness to say that I love democracy.
My country is now on its way to becoming a part of the civilized world. And I have grown along its side- both physically and in value. From a timorous, isolated child I have grown up to be a real human being: a person. Someone who went through failures but never gave up. A person who knows exactly what she wants and who will try her best to get it. Yet a person who has realised that happiness, like success, is a road, not a destination-a road she enjoys every day.
In the 1st grade I was the shy child in the last desk, who had “her own world” as my teacher said-although I can’t remember any world. At the exam between 4th and 5th grade I placed top 5. Then I was moved into the 1st desk. I stopped being isolated and started socializing. In grades 5 through 8 I got 2nd prize without bothering much.
At the 1st important exam in my life (the one we take after finishing 8th grade and the one that decides what high school we get in) I got 9.85(on a scale of 1 to 10) and was the 25th admitted in the best high school in my city-The National College of Computer Science. I love computers and anything related to them.
In the 9th grade I reached my academic apogee: 1st prize-one of the best days of my life. In the 10th grade I got 2nd prize. That’s the year I started to wonder what I want to do with my life. That year I met and fell in love with the business world. I participated in the Junior Achievement Student Company competition and placed top 10 along with my team. We made a company called “Wing”. I was President. We produced “multifunctional closets for toys” (original product). We made the prototype for the product, the business and the marketing plans. We won a Junior Achiever Diploma and attended the “Economics for leaders” summer school.
This year I have participated again in the Student Company competition and I am waiting for the results. I have also won another competition-“The key to success”-placed 3rd in the finals. I have taken my TOEFL test and scored 293. On May 6th I am taking the SAT I exam. On June 3rd I am taking the SAT II Math 2C exam.
During high school I found a humanitarian goal-help children in orphanages. I intend to do so through a program I want to found-“Love does not cost money”. I want to bring computers in orphanages and, with the help of people who will join me, teach the children how to use a PC, speak English and other things. I am in the process of founding a Reading Club (on the web, because it saves time).
While my country is struggling to get into the EU, I am struggling to fulfil my biggest dream-study in the US. I’d like to study computer science or business. Or-why not?-both.

About Economy and Romania's Aproach to Dealing with the Crisis

While in America "Economists and members of Congress are now on the prowl for new ways to stimulate spending in our dreary economy," (ALAN S. BLINDER) that's unfortunately not what is happening in Romania. Instead of following the basic rules even I learned in Econ 100 & 200, the economists in my country are managing to make an artificial crisis, a crisis that is way worse than the one that's been affecting the world the past few months. Instead of promoting consumption they're, well, demoting it, or even worse, completely discouraging it.

People are getting lower wages than usually, their bonuses are cut, and even parts of the salaries. Others are even losing their jobs, because the companies they work for can't deal with the artificial crisis the Government is inflicting. Oh, and of course taxes are going up, prices are going up etc.

I live in the States, as a student, and honestly I haven't felt the crisis. Yes, maybe if I worked here I would have felt it too. But the effort is clearly to inflate the market, whereas in Romania it's as if they're doing the opposite on purpose.

I know this would be a bad time for me to look for a job, whichever country I would look for a job in, but losing the job you had for years, losing the money you deserve by working (for the State in my mom's case) for tens of years, having to work for nothing because the employer can't afford to pay you yet and you can't afford to go back on the job market, or having to work ten times as much as usually for half as much money because your colleagues got fired because the employer didn't afford them... well, IT IS OUTRAGEOUS!

They should definitely get their Economics straight: consumption gets countries out of the crisis! Not the lack there of! Or they should get someone who knows some Economics to help them out, and fire the people who are failing to do so. REALLY!

About Religion

The following is a reply I wrote on someone's blog (http://texasatheistteen.blogspot.com). It sums up my opinion about religion pretty well.

I am a Christian (Greek Orthodox) and I would never convert to another religion, specifically because I do not want to play the "guessing game" (guess what the right religion to have is) [1].

I believe in God and in the fact that Jesus died for us, but somehow I cannot believe that the Bible is the pure Truth, or that Church and Priests are the way to get in touch with God. Don't get me wrong, I admire people that make the time to go to Church in their busy lives, but I somehow doubt a God that's fair and righteous would rather judge someone by how much they obeyed traditions than by the amount of good they brought to the world.

I also can't accept that a righteous God would forgive someone for hurting someone else (okay, I'm talking murder/rape) just because he was truly repentful and prayed really hard. [2]

I would rather believe that the righteous God I believe in would give Heaven (or whatever the best alternative would be) [3] to the person that was raised a Buddhist, or a Muslim, or a Jew or any other faith for that matter, that did only good things for other people.

Buddhists believe that the intention that lies underneath your actions is what you should be judged on. Christians do a combination between intention and result. I believe the Buddhist way is better. One cannot know the consequences of one's actions (for example, if one saved a baby and then that baby ended up being a murderer, the person who saved him shouldn't be responsible for anything more than her actions) so there shouldn't be a "Judgement Day" when people will be held responsible for the results of their deeds. The Bible says there shall be one.

Another example of a different faith's idea that I hold very dear and which I believe is the right way to go comes from Muslims (of course most of the radical Muslims eliminated this idea from the Koran they teach their followers, but it is written somewhere in the older books). They say every person shall be judged in the end according to the laws of the religion they believed in. People shouldn't be required to play the "guessing game" (or "guess the right religion")[1]. God shouldn't ask us to do something that is so much beyond our powers, especially when there are so many unknowns.

I could go on. The idea here is that people should be entitled to their version of Heaven [3], even though they don't believe in the same God. And no, non-believers shouldn't burn in hell either, as long as they are good people, that help others more than hurt them. Belief in God shouldn't be a requirement for salvation. And baptism shouldn't be the only way to cleanse the Original Sin (how about innocent babies that died before they could get baptized, for example?).

But my take on it is that God only requires us to love our neighbors, help them etc. By loving human beings you might as well love God. Even if you're not a believer.

Oh, and there are few things I find as scary as people preaching the Love of God by saying that all people that don't believe shall burn in hell (lowercase h on purpose, hell shouldn't be capitalized). They make me run away like crazy. God loves people. Whether they believe in Him or not. There should be more aspects to burning in hell than only being a believer or not. And going to the park and shouting at people on 4th of July that they shall burn in hell if they don't convert it's, well, wrong. God shouldn't give you points for that. You shouldn't make a big deal out of your belief... it is between you and God. And the Priest I suppose.

===============================================
Explanations:
[1] If one believes there is only one religion that grants salvation, then he should reconsider all he believes in. And it is not our decision to make, as was not which religion we were born to either. We are too little and too insignificant to even dare to know the truth. And you have no right to judge others, only God has. That's why I believe people shouldn't change their religion. Some do, but then, it's their choice... And usually the reasons go way deeper than just salvation (that's what they believed in all along, somehow that belief is close to their heart), or are way shallower (my husband is a Christian, he wants a Church wedding, I need to convert because I love him).
[2] A lot of people in the Bible turned from being murderers to being God's chosen ones. I believe one of the biggest flaws of the Bible is that it treats mankind as a mass, and not as individuals. And since we're there, sorry God, but if you asked me to kill my son, I'd think You are the devil (lowercase d).
[3] About Heaven alternatives, I read someone's theory on the mentioned blog. They said that it would be cruel to force someone to live with the God that they didn't believe in, so Heaven would be hell for some people, and that's what hell is, an alternative. How about having different versions of Heaven? No, no Purgatory. Not even different heavens. But if Heaven is a surface, you could have different sections. Or simply different takes of the spirit on the place where it's at. Since it's spiritual and not physical. I, for one, would be happy to embrace the truth, whichever it may be. Within some reasonable limits, though... (to avoid being tricked by the bad guy into believing he is the good guy)

90's

The 90s are long gone. Hey, it's 2009, soon to be 2010... I grew up in the '90s, but I barely remember them. I do remember writing 1996,'97,'98,'99 in my notebook for class in grade school, but still, that's not that big. I remember the Eclipse and how people were terrified for the end of the world, I was too, to be honest [I was a kid though]. But look out there: they still are!

I remember the Eclipse and thinking a little bit about the big step we were making, into a new millenium even [I know it started 2001, but that's not the point]. The first 3 letters of the year changed then, and we stepped into the ... present [I wanted to say future but...].

I remember we were poor, really poor then. Not only my family [oh, but we were, we were...] but the whole country. I remember standing in lines at "Alimentara" with my mom [grocery store] to get some food [as much as you could find, and there wasn't much to find, and also as much as we could afford], I remember that not only were bananas rare, but they were also expensive and exotic. Now you can get them in every mini/maxi/super-market [and there are TONS of supermarkets... EVERYWHERE]... Then you could only see them rarely, and never in a defined setting, maybe on street corners...

I don't know if I am melancholic about those times, they were hard for Romania. We were recovering from the communist period [and don't even get me started there], we were poor, in the midst of anarchy, politicians were taking advantage of the situation, people were getting rich at the expense of others [hah, they still do, I know!], my parents weren't getting along too greatly, and well, I'll stop there.

We've gone so far from then...

But I miss it, my childhood. Being able not to have a care in the world, that protective bubble I've been talking about... I miss it... Even though it meant no chocolate, no bananas, an old CRT TV, no computer, no color pictures until 1996 maybe, even if it meant moving from home to home... I was still safer than I feel now... Well, at least I had people I knew were ready to die for me close by [and I would do that for them too :) ], not billions of miles away.

Hm, I started this note with a different purpose in mind then diverged to that. I don't know, it may sound as a bad childhood, but love is the one thing that NEVER lacked, so it was happy, and it taught me to laugh at life. So I miss the 90's, and I don't think I'd like them any other way...

I decided to write this note as I see that many people that were great in the 90s [and 80s] are dead already [Michael Jackson being the latest] and this just screams that those times are gone. In the past. Forever. I am not good with music, and I was never one of those kids who talks about music with her friends [hmm, I'm more of a nerd than that, OK]. But I listen to music, usually whatever's on is good for me, so I know many of MJ's songs, though I didn't know they were his [or couldn't just put my finger on it?] until I listened to them again after his death on youtube. Some, I just discovered. My only real memory of MJ lasts back to 1992 [only 4 at that age], when I saw, on the black-and-white screen of my old CRT TV [that we still have in one of the bedrooms] the news about the concert he had in RO, and the FANS in the airport when he left crying that they'll never see him again. I thought it was absurd, but somehow it just stuck to me. Well, they might be righter today than they were then, but he will never truly die [right now, he's more alive than he has been the past years]. Legends live forever. And, no matter what he might have done [I find it so annoying when people comment shit on youtube videos that I just mark them as spam }:) ] there is a difference between the man and the artist. And the artist was a genius, and the man was a man. Rest in peace, Michael Jackson! You shall live on forever as a great singer.

Also, rest in peace, '90s. You will always be in my heart, until I am no more....

I just love these songs, although Ben is probably not so MJ and more the Jacksons 5...

The "God" Particle or The Higgs Boson

I've just seen "Angels and Demons" recently at the cinema (recently meaning a month or so ago and well, I admit I've also read the book a few years ago) and, apart from the amazing images of Rome (when will I be able to afford going places just because I want to?!), one thing stayed in my mind: the possibility of discovering the so-called "God" particle, and therefore understanding how the Universe was created. And now, to diverge a little bit and go into a pretty controversial subject, I have to mention that I for one believe in the Creationism and the Theory of Evolution in the same time, and although I can understand why some would see them as opposing claims on the creation of the living world, unless you are stubborn to believe both of them to the letter, you would see that they CAN live together, that they don't necessarily clash. So science and religion, I don't think they should be at war with each other, although I find it odd when people try to spread their religious beliefs through the Internet...
Anyway, coming back to the "God" particle, I remember sometime last year people got completely scared that we'd end up being sucked by a black hole and die because of the experiments that were being conducted with the Large Hadron Collider, trying to recreate the Big Bang. Well, nothing happened (or rather the LHC broke down), but I was wondering, if they were to discover how the Earth was formed, to prove that the whole Big Bang Theory holds, what sort of big bang would that have on out world, and how would extremely religious people react to it? And, anyway, what would it really prove? Since everyone's working towards finding it, and since the theory behind its existence is believed accurate by the science community, we'll probably find out soon...

To read more about the "God" particle, you can use these links:
National Geographic, Wired and Wikipedia. There's also a lab in the States "racing" to find this infamous particle. You can also check this cartoon out! Also, you might want to check out Angels and Demons (if not for the science or story in it, at least for the BEAUTIFUL images of ROME).

Lessons of life...

I wrote this on Facebook too, some months ago, when I was still 20... OK, so I've grown up a little since then, but it still makes tons of sense to me...

I've had a lot to think about this semester, more than I though I would at the beginning of it. Overall, it was a way better semester than the ones I've had in my first year at Bard, even though at one point I kind of bumped my head to the ceiling and had to recover from it [metaphor]. But now I am OK. I sometimes wonder whether I am selfish or altruist, mean or good, but after all, we humans have the potential to be all-in-one packs :) I am sometimes alone, but I don't give my best to be in the company of other people [like going to the ISO Formal, tonight]. I just expect them to include me in their activities, which is sort of stupid. I've sort of managed to actually make friends here, managed to be disappointed, managed to be reassured. I've understood that I am not the only weird person out there, and that there are other people like me. Actually, I understood that I am not weird, or rather, not more weird than the average ... Bard student [just kidding, Bard students are weird, and everyone that knows them knows that]. I've always known that life is a series of ups and downs and I've been through a lot, but they never seem to be the same as before. I've learned that there are people whom I can trust, but that everything has a limit and apart from family, little people will stick to you until the end. After all, my friends back in Romania are less than the number of fingers I have on one of my hands. But they are there. And I don't know if they've been there through good and bad or not, but they know most of what there is to know about me, and like me as I am. I've learned.. in the 20 years of my existence, that there are moments from where life can't go worse, so it gets better. I've learned to expect that everything will get better with time. I've learned how to influence the outcome through positive thinking. I've learned... to smile when I'm sad, to enjoy every little moment of my life, I've learned to see the positive aspects in things. I've learned that applying what I learned is sometimes hard. I've learned that I am human and am bound to make mistakes, and that I am not supposed to be ashamed by them. I've learned that I can be childish and ridiculous, even if I hate people that are childish and ridiculous. I've learned that no matter what I expect from the future, the future turns out to be unexpected, but in a positive way. I've learned not to wish for previews, although they might make my current decisions easier. I've learned that I am capable of feelings I didn't know I was capable of, but that feelings are passing and that you don't need to cling to them. I've learned to move on. I've learned that I enjoy learning, that I like classes even if they start at 9 am. I've learned that, even if I am 20, I am not too old to live my life. In fact, I've always known that my life is just starting. I've also learned that you shouldn't open your heart to other people, because you will get hurt. I've also learned that you'll get hurt anyway, even if you don't open your heart. I'm just counting on the fact that people won't have time to read this note :) Or that they won't try to read between the lines. I've learned that life means both winning and losing, and that you can't win them all. I've learned to appreciate the importance of having a bubble around you, a protective bubble, in which you are protected by your parents from all the bad things in the world. I've also learned that the word bubble is used because the bubble will be broken when you grow up. I've learned that home doesn't mean the house you live in, but the place where your dear ones are. I've also learned that there are some places where you'll always want to return. I've learned to dearly await tomorrow but to also fear what tomorrow may bring [I know this sort of contradicts what I said earlier, but I understand myself :) ]. I've learned that people can live together and support and understand each other even after love has passed. But I learned to dread those moments, because you have to get bored and start disliking the other person [of course, in most cases you are right]. I've learned that, although most dreams never come true, some do. And I learned to understand that some dreams still have time to come true. I've learned that you shouldn't think so much about the future, because the future is here before you expect it. But I sort of can't help myself... Oh, and I've also learned that wishes you make at midnight on New Year's night tend to come true! Just be careful what you wish for, cause you might just get it!
Oh, and Watch This!

And while you're at it, you can also read this article.

Why the blog is called Random Thoughts

Random thoughts is the name of one of my first Facebook notes and the first one that actually seemed to be part of a diary. Below is the quote. I know this is more personal than I wanted this blog to be, but hey, it's about college life, at least for me :)

I guess the biggest culture shock is when you realize that there is no culture shock. People are the same, no matter where they come from. Unless they had a bad childhood or something.
It's not that I'm not weird anymore, but I am as weird here as I used to be at home. And as lonely.
Web-cams are great. It is awful when the only thing that you are feeling, the only feeling that you have about home is longing for your mom and wishing your friends can understand that life is beautiful.
Life is beautiful. There are some moments when you might feel lost and unhappy, but life is like that.
You can't always get what you want, but you'll always get what you need. Even if it's just a cold rain shower or a cold. Live on and you'll see! If you don't have what you expected to have, if your life is at times too mundane or too exciting, realize that you are content, that life is not making you miserable and smile!
It's OK to be jealous. And proud in the same time.
Walmart matches the price of all local competitors. And offers all the products they offer in a single, condensed space. This leads to the competition's death (bankruptcy). It is the American way, at least in big cities. In small towns they encourage local products. It's not a contradiction, it still is the American way.
You can learn how to cook even if you hadn't cooked in your life. You also mess up when making crepes. It's alright. And it's fun.
It's fun to talk on Facebook with your roommate. Even when you are next to each other. And it's fun to really talk to your roommate too. Or to go on messenger and get beaten up at Dominoes, even if she doesn't have any idea what she's supposed to do.
I can imagine my future kids (and by kids, I of course mean kid, it's just that I don't know the sex yet). Growing up in America (or not). But somehow I can't imagine my future husband (or their father at least). If there will be a husband, or a father I yet do not know, but somehow there will be kids. My kids won't really belong anywhere. And that's sad. And they will see a culture shock, where there's none..
If I'll stay in the States, I'll have my kids in the States. If and when I have them. No applying for citizenship.
You don't have to be American to be American. After all, all Americans were immigrants at one point or another.
I am getting more and more used to being here. And I am realizing more and more the absence of the culture shock. Is it because I, as a big city girl, didn't have any culture?
My Romanian friends don't seem to know this yet, but...
Sooner or later, we all grow up...